I asked and surprisingly, He answered.
Interested in His thoughts on the current hypersensitive climate of the kendama community, I asked God Himself what he thought about the entire situation because well, He see’s everything right? I wasn’t sure what to expect so I didn’t hold anything back as I wanted to ask everything I could while I had His undivided attention.
At first, He was hard to reach. But after some Hail Mary’s he picked up the phone. Now as you can imagine, I was terrified at first to ask God about a silly skill toy. After all, I did pray to Him hundreds if not thousands of times while I was Catholic only to get no response.
RYAN REESE So God, what do you think of your trees being turned into toys for us humans to entertain ourselves with?
GOD Humans have been doing all sorts absurd things with wood for hundreds of years already so it is nothing new. But as far as the toys go I think they are funny. The tree’s have been used for much other dastardly items, so a toy for entertainment is excellent in my opinion. It appears to be a quite joyous activity amongst my children, so in all, I think it’s a good thing. It is very fun to watch, as most people I have to keep an eye on are very boring.
RR So do you think most humans are boring?
GOD Most of them are, yes. I have given them this wonderful opportunity at existence and they only do half assed attempts at it, like get married, full fill a career, or watch Rick and Morty.
RR Have you ever played Kendama?
GOD I thought it was an interesting concept when I first saw it hundreds of years ago. But I didn’t pay much attention to it. Humans have been creating toys since day one and when it comes to someone like Me, I’ve seen it all. Recently though, with everything that the new wave of kendama players have been doing I’ve started to take just a wee bit of interest only because many of the people I have to keep a watchful eye on are kendama players. It used to be just skateboarders who were the most sinful, but now kendama players are apart of that demographic now too. I wanted to know what all the fuss was about so yes, I had an angel run down to Earth and pick me up a ‘freshie’ as you all call it. So to answer your question, yes, I have played kendama.
RR Aren’t most of us sinners though?
GOD Of course. You especially. Some just sin more than others and those are the ones I have to go into work early and stay there after hours for.
RR I’m sorry.
GOD No worries. I think you’ll enjoy Hell.
RR Are you on Facebook?
GOD I’m on everyone’s Facebook. As a matter of fact, I am Facebook.
RR I’ve recently written a few articles regarding my own opinionated thoughts on certain subjects that exist within the kendama community and now no one likes me. What should I do?
GOD As you may know, I’m pretty quiet when it comes to advice. But, since you’ve made the trip up here I guess I owe you an answer. Where can I read the articles you wrote?
RR Skillderness.org, but shouldn’t you know that?
GOD I never usually read what you write. But now that I look at it, I can see why others may be disturbed by your opinion. You have to understand Ryan, this is still a fresh and emerging community. A lot of them are still young kids so they might not even understand what your articles even mean. But the older, more experienced ones do, and they are obviously used to everything remaining only positive and good-hearted. You might even feel the same way if you never skipped out on Church to go smoke pot.
RR So you think I’m wrong?
GOD No, My Son, I just think, like anyone, your trying to have your say within the kendama community. Sure, it may not be the most positive influence, but the fact that you are even voicing what you believe is important. It’s probably more than what most of them do anyway. As I scroll through the page now, everyone just seems to post tricks, kendamas for sale, or some other boring attempt to show off or pry money from someone else’s hands. All you seem to be doing is writing words that seem to outrage other users. It appears to be honest, creative, and has a sense of humor attached to it. To me, that is positive. This isn’t a matter of right or wrong Ryan, appropriate might be a better word. Still, the bottom line is that you are providing an original voice to a community where only the elite seemed to be allowed to do that.
RR Well God damn…
GOD I won’t in this case.
RR You know what I mean. Another thing I am trying to say though is, is that I’m trying to breathe life into this platform. Although we are not a kendama company, to support this platform we sell cheap, overseas kendamas. I wish we could but we cannot afford great, original kendamas to sell. We cannot afford to pay a sponsored pro team. I don’t have the budget for any of that. But what I do have is my opinion.
GOD I understand that, but you must be careful with that opinion. You live within the United States so it is your right and responsibility to share your opinion because if you don’t, you aren’t getting your tax money’s worth then are you? Just try not to be so stupid and arrogant.
RR Hm. Perhaps your right.
GOD Perhaps? I’m God you oblivious cretin. Can I go now?
RR Uh, I guess. Say, one more thing. When do I die?
GOD You really want to know?
RR As matter of fact no I don’t. Anyway, Thanks for your time.
GOD You’re very welcome. Will I see you in church soon?
RR No, probably not.
GOD Well at least I asked. I’m gonna go now. I have people to judge.
Well that was fun. God seems to be a pretty chill guy after all. And you know what? Now I don’t feel so bad about everything like a lot of people in the kendama community have made me feel. As a matter of fact, they are the negative ones, not me. I haven’t personally attacked, hurt, or raped anyone except myself. I just think this community needs a bolt of lighting shot at it every now and then. To keep it on it’s toes. And there is nothing wrong with that, as I have not one problem taking the heat that follows. As long as I have expressed my voice, it is worth any sort of punishment. Because being a boring, silent, along-with-the-flow loser is much, much worse.