Yank Spikes Aren’t Impressive At All

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Everyone likes to yank their wood. I get it. And yes, I do it too even though my priest tells me to lay off yanking every once in a while. But its so hard to resist. Those chicks on Instagram are so insanely sexy that sometimes I just have to unzip my pants an jus…. oh…. As I am writing this out loud, Marley on the other side of our office is yelling over our megaphone saying that I’m supposed be writing about yank spikes, not… well you know…

So let me start over. The prompt he gave me was just something on yank spiking. The famous kendama trick where you pull down really hard and slap the tama right on the spike. God, it’s such a satisfying feeling to yank spike isn’t it? It’s like some expensive Columbian drug shot right into your brain. Ecstasy Of The Yank, is what we call it. Perhaps one day I will write on a book on the subject.

But until then there is something about yank spikes that I do want to clear up. Even though yank spikes are super satisfying, super cool, and wow all of your friends, it’s a trick that even a beginner can do. I always hear kids asking pros, “whats the trick to yank spikes!? If I do not learn how to yank spike I am going to kill my entire family and then escape to Honduras where I will become an excellent wood carver! You must tell me! My family’s lives are in your hands!” These kind of statements make me feel bad for the pro’s. Because in their mind they know that there isn’t any special trick or technique involved with a yank. It’s just luck. If someone could actually control the tama to where they knew the precise amount of force and other physical elements involved to make it yank every single time, we would all be yanking first try now wouldn’t we? But there isn’t, and were not. Only when luck is on our side and allows a yank to happen, it happens.

So lets’s face it, yank spikes are not impressive at all.

As I’m sure most of you remember, in Jake Wiens’ how to on yank spikes he offers a simple technique to apply before you go for it: “The first step to a proper yank spike is eye contact. Make sure to stare deeply into your friend, family member, or complete strangers soul. And then ”

I can only imagine how many of you watched that video actually thinking that he would offer some sincere advice on how to yank. The video even includes all of Wiens’ many failed attempts. So clearly, it’s difficult for the pro’s too. So if you are one of those little bastards who has already went over the deep end and are reading this as you stand over your parent’s corpses well, see ya on Dateline dumbass.

If you have managed to keep your composure however, your in luck. Because even though we all know now that yank spikes are stupid, talentless strokes of luck, I will share with you a few videos where some of us have turned yanks into some really cool edits. Watch them below and don’t forget to follow (and forgive) Skillderness for everything they do and hiring me.

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