Why Is Kendama Apparel So Fucking Ugly?

I’ve always had a problem with kendama apparel. From hats to T-shirts, I just think a kendama that is embroidered on any article of clothing is just… corny. I mean, I wish it wasn’t, I love playing kendama and sure, I can totally see how street wear and athletic wear can totally mix into the game, but for some aesthetic reason, it just doesn’t work.

Originally, I was trying to write an article looking for the best kendama fashion out there, and which company was worth tossing some coin at. But after much research, I have come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as the best kendama fashion. I mean, just say those three words again to yourself – Best. Kendama. Fashion. Ugh… Gives me the willies just thinking about it. Sweets was close to being wearable with the bomber jackets they ran a few months back, even giving customers a choice of three to choose from. Still, I was bothered by the different kendama designs featured on them. If it just said SWEETS, that would have been acceptable. But a snake wrapping around a dama on each breast just racks up high on the tacky meter. And the rating is way too high for me to spend 80 bucks for something I’d only wear to a bowling alley or my grandparents house.

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Who would pay $80 for this?

So that’s when I realized that I would have to change this piece of Pulitzer Prize worthy writing into an entirely different article. I was going to change it to There’s No Such Thing As Kendama Fashion, or Make Kendamas Not Clothes, but I didn’t want to be too mean. So to be more gentle, I decided to go with Why Is Kendama Apparel So Fucking Ugly? instead.  I wish I could give a simple answer. That way I wouldn’t have to sit here and click through all of these atrocious SHOP – APPAREL pages on each companies site. But somebody has to do the community a favor and torture himself with the task and I guess that will be me today.

Outside of just kendama companies, there are some brands that make strictly just apparel. One of those brands is Slayers Club, where they design shirts, sweaters, hoodies and even have a pair of cheap sunglasses for only 4 dollars. Surprisingly, many of their products are sold out. One of the only things left on their site is this long sleeve with the self proclaimed “DAMA BAE” design on it. Well let me tell you here folks, if you wear this you will not be pulling in any dama bae’s in the near future.

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What is that supposed to be between her legs?

Now the next issue I have might be just because I’m from America and not the splendors of a European country like Denmark. For whatever reason, Krom just really, I mean really crawls under my skin when it comes to kendama apparel. Don’t get me wrong, Krom makes excellent kendamas for playing, but not for looking at. But just like their kendamas, their clothes are just as hideous.

What really urks me is whatever this is:

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If you know me, you’ve probably heard my visual complaints when it comes to Krom’s blue Ajagak kendama. I was the only one who refused to play it because of how disgusting it was. Literally the ugliest kendama I have ever seen. So you can imagine how I felt when I saw the ads for their run of Ajagak apparel. I almost tossed my cookies at the site of it. And then to make matters worse, I was scrolling through Instagram and came upon this photo of Kroms pro team all equally ‘fitted’ wearing this horrid and excruciatingly painful outfit head to toe – with the damas to match. At this very moment I’m trying to hold in my bagel I had for breakfast.

Now I know there must be some of you who are wearing tons of kendama related clothes and this article might put you up in arms disagreeing with my every word. Thats actually a good thing, because it shows which side you’re on. It’s not your fault, these companies clearly aren’t aware of any sort of fashion sense and you are just trying to support them in any way possible. And I’ll apologize for them for making you wear something you never would unless you felt bad for them. I feel bad for the Krom guys because they have to wear those silly track suits, but you dear reader, you still have a choice.

Author: Ryan Reese

Blog writer, filmmaker, kendama player, tall guy...

4 thoughts

  1. Ehhh, Kinda agreed… All of the ones you mentioned I agree with, but saying ALL is a little much. Companies like Find Your Wings have almost no dama reference unless you are a dama player, so it is cool almost as an inside joke to other dama players you see around. Slayers Club is actually sick in my opinion, and they are dropping some serious heat soon, so I am all in for it. Some of the times they go waaayyyy overboard, but a lot of them are nice.

    Liked by 1 person

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